Kisses from Katie

Every now and then I find a book that I can’t stop reading.  I love to read but I must admit I am picky about the books I read.  I often don’t read for long periods at a time just because I can’t find a book that I am necessarily interested in.  And they say we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but leave it to me to do just that.  I can usually tell if I’ll like a book just by reading the first page.  Something about the writing style captivates me to the point of no return.  My record amount of time spent in Barnes n Noble is actually five hours. FIVE HOURS! Do you know what you can do with five hours?  You can drive to Medford in four and a half!

Anyway, the book I haven’t been able to put down is called Kisses from Katie by Katie Davis. 

I somehow saw it on Pinterest and was interested in the cover.  From there, I went to Amazon.com to read what it was about and I knew I would love it.  I bought it right then with kindle –Kindle is so freakin cool.  I don’t even have an actual kindle, just the app for my macbook, but I love it—and I’ve been reading it non-stop. I’m actually not even done yet but I still felt like I needed to share what this book has done for me already.

Kisses from Katie has brought me another step closer to bliss, because it reminded me of the drive and passion I used to have for life.  I always worked to become a better person and I always wanted to do something to help others.  When I joined my church Hopecity,I can remember telling my pastor how I really wanted to do something bigger than myself (and I did for a while and then I made my little transformation that it mentioned in previous entries).  Kisses from Katie reminded me why I wanted to help others, why it’s important to help others, and furthermore, it taught me more about love.

The children that Katie describes in this book are without a doubt in some of the worst living situations in the world.  It’s so easy to forget that not everyone has food, not everyone has running water, not everyone has soap, not everyone has medical care, and not everyone has love.  How easy it is for us to go about our day complaining about silly things (white people problems? lol).  I do it every day of my life.  But Katie Davis has reminded me that the greatest gift we can receive is the one we get when we give. 

This book will touch your heart and change your life.  If you're not a reader check out these videos

Find Your Bliss

      xoxo,

          Kylie

Sometimes all you need is a Yoss

In my very first post I mentioned how part of my reason for needing to find bliss was because I had transformed from person A to person Z in a matter of months and I hated everything about it. And this is true.  I went from attending church every weekend to attending the bar every night.  Not only did I attend church but I worked at it.  I went to meetings, I taught in the kid’s church, I made announcements to the congregation, as well as recorded videos during the week to be watched the following Sunday.  And I was happy but I also missed going out on the weekend, dancing with my friends, getting a buzz going, and letting loose.  And so I slowly pushed church out of my life and completely immersed myself into a care-free (literally I didn’t care about anything and had no motivation to grow as a person) lifestyle full of partying, friends, and fun.  And it was fun.  It was a blast.  I mean look at these pictures and tell me how this doesn’t look like fun?

Danielle and I at Boiler Room. Love her

Shelby and I at the Gorge for DMB

Oh Sergio... hahaha

Halloween night with Jess (aka J shrooms)

Me Amanda, and Natalie my Lucy <3

beer pyramid after power hour (terrible headache in the morning)

My christmas tree Mac at our Christmas Party :)

But I started to miss person A. I missed feeling proud and motivated and peace.  PEACE was the biggest thing I missed.  Living with 4 other people in a huge party house was a blast but it was FAR from peaceful. 

So, I tried all over again.  I moved out of the house and started this blog on my search or bliss. And even though I knew I made the right choice for me, I still felt depressed, confused, and lonely.  I felt so far from bliss that I didn’t even know where to look for it.

And along came Yossel.  Yossel and I became friends over a year ago and a couple days ago he summed up years of searching in a matter of minutes.  Yossel too struggles with having two very different sides to his personality.  The difference though is that Yossel doesn’t choose one over another like I’ve been trying to do all these years.  He accepts that he is both person A and person Z… or as he calls them Clark Kent and Superman.  He explained that he doesn’t force himself to be one or the other.  Everything in moderation right?

So I have DayKylie and NightKylie.  They hate each other, but they rely on each other in order to stay sane.  Since I have accepted both of these sides as me, I have felt a weight lift off my shoulders and I am a step closer to bliss.

Find Your Bliss

      xoxo,

          Kylie

What the Hell Happened to Lucy?

The best friend I ever had was Lucy.  Lucy and I met when we were around the age of four or five and after that she was always around.  Lucy was hilarious, and encouraging, and agreed with almost everything that I said.  Not only that but, when I needed help she always said all the right things.  Among many things, Lucy was also completely fabricated by a five year old me.  Perhaps her best quality is that she was literally there for me whenever I needed her.  And then one day she was gone.  My mom asked where Lucy went and I told her that she had moved to Portland. 

Portland was a common place for people to live when I was little, because both my parents and their families were from Portland.  And now that I live up in Portland its very important to me that I reconnect with Lucy.  Okay okay, I know I can’t reconnect with her.  I’m not that delusional. She was an imaginary friend.  But my best friend Natalie was, and still is, my REAL Lucy.  And just like Lucy moved to Portland that random day, Natalie too moved away.  So I’m back to my single days.  Life without a side-kick is rough, let me tell ya.

In a big city it’s hard to find your Lucy.  There are a lot of shady mo fos out there.  And of course I have lots of friends, but just being a friend doesn’t make you a Lucy.  You either connect on that Lucy level or you don’t.

And Natalie, before you get confused I’m not up here in Portland trying to replace you.  Besides, I know you’ll be back here soon enough.  I guess I’m just here to remind the world that Lucy’s are hard to come by, so when you find her, don’t fuck it up!!!  Because part of finding Bliss is finding your Lucy. 

That is all :)

Find Your Bliss

      xoxo,

          Kylie

8 simple ways to "live well"

On my quest to find Bliss I have decided to write down a few things that I have heard throughout my life that MAY contribute to living well.  These suggestions have come from a variety of people including, parents, teachers, friends, church leaders, physicians, shrinks, and of course Oprah.  Some of the suggestions I’ve heard include the following.

1.   Proper diet

2.    Daily exercise

3.    Healthy sleep habits

4.    Minimal amounts of caffeine

5.    More studying less partying

6.    Appreciate the little things in life (AKA eliminate materialism)

7.    Save your money

8.   “be nice to everyone”

BLEH! Now that that’s outta the way I’ll tell you how much I dislike all of those ideas with few exceptions. 

#1 PROPER DIET

I swear I’ve tried this before.  I’ve tried to stop eating out so much, and make my own food but lets be real.  I’m a 22 year old bar tender at Red Robin.  And furthermore, the idea of making meals for only myself is about as motivating as… well it’s just not very motivating.  Also, though I LOVE breakfast food, eating in the morning sorta disgusts me.  One can only have a proper diet if they eat a balanced breakfast everyday and that just doesn’t seem like its in the cards right now.  In fact I’m going to grab a carbalicious bagel and smother it with fatty cream cheese right now. 

mmm… it tastes SO good.

#2 DAILY EXERCISE

Well I mean this part doesn’t seem so hard.  It seemed like a really great idea 8 months ago when I signed up for a gym membership.  And it was a pretty great idea up until the point where I walked in the gym door and remembered how much I hate working out and would rather be at home laying in my bed stalking ex boyfriends on facebook.  This is coming from someone who got a full-ride volleyball scholarship to play at a school in Hawaii after high school.  I guess some things change.

#3 HEALTHY SLEEP HABITS

What? You don’t think partying until 3 am and waking up at 1 pm constitutes as healthy?  I’m just kidding! I’m not an animal! I party until 2:30 and wake up at 6 because I seem to always wake up super early when I drink. And then at 8 I go back to bed and wake up at noon.  See? Healthy.

#4 MINIMAL AMOUNTS OF CAFFEINE

Ummm? I don’t understand.

#5 MORE STUDYING LESS PARTYING

I actually do agree with this.  My grades last term also certainly agree with this.  And maybe now that I’m out of my last living situation I’ll be able to focus a little more.  Usually my problem is that I HATE studying. 

#6 APPRECIATE THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE

(AKA ELIMINATE MATERIALISM)

Part1) I mean I think I do.  I love the feeling of writing with a super sharpened Ticonderoga.  (Don’t know what a Ticonderoga is? It’s only the best fucking pencil in the world!).  I love waking up to a fresh pot of coffee.  I love a hot summer day with no plans but to lie by the pool.  I love good morning texts.  I love cheesecake.  And I love laughing so hard I could cry.

Part 2) But what I love even more is the new Coach purse I got.  Followed by the new North Face jacket.  Followed by the Steve Madden Boots that came in the mail yesterday.  I love the feeling of wearing a new outfit.  I love good hair days.  I love fun tights, freshly manicured nails, and cute headbands. 

That’s sorta like appreciating the little things right?

#7 SAVE YOUR MONEY

In my last house I had 2 bedrooms.  I had my actual bedroom that has my bed, nightstand and desk and then I had my second bedroom that was actually my closet. Yes my closet.  For further information refer to part 2 of #6.

#8 “BE NICE TO EVERYONE”

This was contributed by my mother.  Growing up we had a rule:  “You don’t have to like everyone but you have to be nice to everyone.”  I mean who can say that they’ve always been nice to everyone?  Not me.  But it’s a great goal to work towards.  No sarcasm this time either.  Karma is a huge bitch to bitches but she’s super tight to nice people.  So if Bliss comes from any of these suggestions I’m going to start with #8.  It makes the most sense to me.

As for #1-7? I’ll get back to you on those. 

Find Your Bliss

      xoxo,

          Kylie

The Best Revenge is Living Well

They say the best revenge is living well.  Well what I wanna know is who the hell are “they.”  Who are these fuckers that said the best revenge is living well?  I say the best revenge is looking super hot, having a ton of hot guys hit on you and buy you drinks, and then having that asshole (girl or guy) that did you wrong see you laughing with these guys, and in response look sad, lonely and insecure. 

It also helps if they apologize and beg and plead for your forgiveness.  But I don’t NEED that part.  And though I will always accept their apology (I believe in forgiveness) I will feel better whether they asked for it or not.  As long as they see that I’m doing JUST fine without them.

Unfortunately, that is only the kind of revenge one can find in the movies.  And in reality, though that revenge may feel good at the time, it doesn’t last.  And the truth is, when we use this defense mechanism, we are rarely doing “just fine.”  The second act of the play ends with me leaving the bar early, taking a cab home by myself, and crying myself to sleep (I cry a lot… but we’ll get to that later) 

So maybe those fuckers were right (whoever the hell “they” are).  Maybe the best revenge is to live well. 

At this point you may be wondering, “who is this crazy bitch and why does she want revenge so bad?”

I guess its not revenge that I want at all.  It’s more that I just want some form of confirmation that I made the right choice and that I am indeed “living well.”  Which in turn opens up a whole new can of worms.  What exactly is “living well?”  Maybe if I knew who “they” were I could ask them and find out.  But because I do not, I will search to find it myself. 

Hi, I’m Kylie.  I’m a 22 year old single girl (woman and lady sound too old-like) living in Portland, Oregon.  I recently looked at my life and found I had transformed from person A to person Z in a matter of months and hated everything about it.  I finally ripped that band-aide off and made some changes.  It stung at first.  Okay it more than stung.  It hurt like fucking hell and I spent some time crying in bed, feeling sorry for myself.

Like I mentioned before, I tend to cry a lot.  So much so, that when I was little, my dad renamed me Crylie.  That was nice of him.  To me, even at this age, crying just feels good.  Its like I get everything out and then I can breathe again.  Same with writing.  I get everything out and then I can breathe again.  I also found some very unhealthy ways of doing this, but we’ll get into that later. 

If you haven’t noticed by now, I have a pretty foul mouth.  I’m not proud of it but I’m not willing to fix it either.  This is me, so take it or leave it. 

I wanted to start this blog in hopes that it will help me find my own bliss and the true meaning of “living well.”  Because I believe it’s about more than changing the way I’ve been living the past six months.  It’s about finding my true self, and being proud of everything I have to offer.  I won’t ever be able to go back to being person A.  She is gone and even if I could I wouldn’t want to.  But what I can do (and I intend to) is find a new, even better me.  One that is proud and happy and healthy and “Living well.”

Find Your Bliss

      xoxo,

          Kylie