Sunday: Day of the "Re's"

If you and your best aren’t aware that Sunday is your day then you have some serious studying up to do.  For those of us who are BFF Veterans we know that Sunday is the day of the Re’s (Recover, Recap, and Reason).

Recover:

Upon waking up next to 3 other people in your friend’s king-size tempurpedic the recovery process begins.  This starts by nursing that hangover with an immediate bottle of water (vets place a bottle next to the bed the night before) and IBprofin along with a first class ride back to your car parked downtown via taxi or your neighbor.

Hint: be sure get to the car before the meters start again.  For us Portlanders this is at 1pm on Sundays.

Once you make it to the car buckle up and head to brunch.  Brunch is nearly as important to the recovering process as it is to the Recap.

Recap:

This really just begins when you wake up and lasts all day long.  Slowly funny instances from the night before will jog your memory and you and your BFF(s) can laugh your asses off about how and why you have taco bell cheese all over the bed, and/or who the fuck the rando on the couch was.

Depending on what your upcoming week looks like, your post-brunch Sunday could vary.  I’ve spent entire Sundays on my couch watching One Tree Hill on DVD (Lucy at my side obvi).   However, its rare that our lives don’t demand some form of productivity.  Typically for me, I have to make up for all the procrastinating I’ve done and study for class on Monday.   Not to worry.  If your friends are as cool as mine, you will find a way to study whilst still achieving the Re’s.   See photo below.

After lots of Recapping, you’re sure to have some post-traumatic stress.  Let’s be honest, you’re not exactly thrilled to find out you popped a squat in the Taco Bell drive-thru line.  This is when we get to our third Re.

Reason:

I am a pro at reasoning and justifying just exactly why something I or my BFF did is not only okay but for the better. 

A typical convo for my friends and me may look like this:

            “Its okay that you peed in the drive thru line, Lucy.  You really had to go and holding it is bad for you.”

            “Exactly, had you held it, you would have gotten a UTI and been in a ton of pain right now.”

            “It was a dire situation where you chose your health over your social stigma.  You made the right choice.“

           

Can you see how you can manipulate anything in order to feel better?  This is clearly a terrible scenario, yet you can trick your mind into making yourself think it’s actually good.  I swear it works. 

Oh Sunday’s you will forever be a cherished day full of rituals and bonding time. I can hardly wait for summer when the Reasoning takes place next to the pool instead of next to text books.  

The Rando

We all know him.  He’s the random guy that buys you and Lucy a drink and expects that to mean you’re going to hang out with him the rest of the night. So sorry to disappoint you Rando, but Lucy and I are about ten times your hotness level and we’re really just trying to be nice.  And by nice I mean we don’t want to have to buy our own drinks. 

The Rando can be a real damper on your night if you don’t know how to get rid of him.  Sometimes we are forced to choose… Take the free drink and be stuck with the guy for the next hour? Or bounce with no attachment.  I’m here to tell you, you can have the best of both worlds.  How you ask?

Rule number 1.  Lose the fucking guilt.  Seriously, you girls who “feel bad” for leaving a guy who buys you a drink need to reevaluate your priorities.  Nowhere does it say in some sort of fucking rule book that by accepting a free drink you are signing a verbal contract.  The guy asked if he could buy you a drink and you said yes.  You did not say “Yes and I would really like to get to know you on a personal level and exchange numbers.”  No.  All you owe is a simple smile, and a “thank you.”  Once you can lose the guilt you’ll be much more successful in losing your Rando.

But lets be honest, the biggest douchebags are the most relentless.  A smile and “thank you” guarantees little if any refuge.  So how to lose the Rando after you’ve received the drink?  There’s always the “I’m gonna go smoke” line in which case you pretend to go outside to smoke and then just leave.  The problem with this method is that 1) unless you ordered shots you won’t have enough time to drink the drink and 2) there is a good chance that he will want to smoke too. 

There ‘s also the bathroom trip.  After all, he can’t fallow you there.  But this too warrants some possible errors.  If the bar is small, you won’t be able to get out without him seeing you and furthermore, a true relentless rando will already be preparing for your get-away by camping out next to the door.

So you can’t go smoke and going to the bathroom only promises a limited amount of privacy.  And lets be honest, if you ditch this guy, that bitch karma will make sure that you run into him at the bar next weekend making you feel extremely awkward. 

I’ll tell you what I do.  First, get another drink outta him.  Take advantage of the fact that you won’t have to pay and can save that money for a new pair of heels.  Then, after you have a good buzz going, simply look at him and say “Hey we’re gonna go over to the other bar, but I’ll text you!”   Quickly head for the door, smile, and wave before he has the chance to realize that you don’t have his number let alone his name. 

In the unfortunate event that Karma sends him your way again do NOT ignore him.  It’s rude and bitchy and looks bad.  Instead be a bitch on the inside and say something like “Oh my gosh I’m so glad I ran into you! I never got your number to text you!”  The dumb card works for pretty girl. 

So there you go.  It’s not a foolproof system but its definitely worked in the past.  Ask my Lucy.  I’ve had to bail her out too many times.   

Wing-Woman

Finding bliss isn’t all hearts and rainbows.  It can be hard fucking work.  Unfortunately if you want anything in this world you have to put some hard ass work into it.  And because we have concluded that part of finding bliss is finding your Lucy, then we must also accurately consider what this job entails.

One of the most defining and important roles of a Lucy is wing-woman.  Let me tell you, wing-woman can be a dirty job.  It can be an especially dirty job if you have a best friend like mine… but hey, a Lucy’s gotta do what she’s gotta do.  And so we continue…

Meet Stu.  Stu is NOT the hot guy Lucy is into.  Stu is the unfortunate looking, shy, friend of the hot guy Lucy is into.  Stu will spend the rest of his life relying on his bros for a 10 percent chance at some action.  Stu will most likely sit in your passenger seat as Lucy plays the BFF card and makes you chauffer the crew home, so she can make-out in the back seat with her guy.  Stu, will awkwardly stand a good 10 feet away from you at all times, as he is completely intimidated by you until you are at least 5 shots deep.   Stu will let his bro do all the talking for him.  Bro will go on about how Stu is a really cool guy and you should let him chill with you and maybe even cuddle.

WAIT WAIT WAIT!  What? Cuddle?  Stu wants to cuddle?  No he doesn’t want to cuddle.  “Cuddle” in bro-language means "Fuck" . Bros think that if they use the word “cuddle” that dumb ass girls will be like “Aw that’s sweet he want’s to cuddle” and I guarantee it actually works majority of the time for them.  Hot Guy/Bro clearly hasn’t met you because if he had he would know you aren’t stupid enough to fall for his bullshit “cuddle” line.   And furthermore what girl is down to cuddle with a rando???  Not this one.

The thing is, the role of wing-woman is a vital job requirement.  But it can only go so far and a true Lucy will get that.  Basically, it’s your job to entertain Stu long enough until you can fake having to wake up early in the morning and go to bed.  That way Stu crashes on the couch and Bro and Lucy go about doing whatever they want to do.  Stu may not be happy but that’s not really the point.  You’re happy alone in bed “cuddle” free and Lucy is happy with hot guy/bro.  Its not always an ideal night, but like I said, it comes with the territory. 

Let's Be Honest

Honesty is a key attribute to the Lucy name and one slip-up could be detrimental to your future domination of the world (aka your social group).   But just as every rule has its exceptions, so does this one.

Exception #1

            Do not tell your BFF shit she doesn’t want to hear.

           

Example) You see her ex-boyfriend making out with her enemy. 

She doesn’t want to hear it, nor do you want to have to pick up the fucking pieces of her heart you just shattered across the fucking room.

Exception #2

            Whether you care about her drama or not, you ALWAYS do.

Example) For the 20^th time that month she’s met a guy that she is going to marry and he hasn’t texted her back in 3 hours.

We obviously have our more important shit to worry about, but letting her know that is just rude.  Lots of  “That fucking sucks. What a douchebag” or “He’s probably at the gym” is always helpful and after a while becomes a natural repeat.

           

Exception #3

The other girl is always ugly.  She may be a super hot Maxim model, but if she’s the competition, trust me, she’s fucking ugly.

Example) While on facebook you and Lucy  “happen to come across” the profile of Lucy’s competition.  Your reaction can be one of the following and nothing else

A)   “She’s not even that pretty”

B)    “She’s not even cute”

C)   “Ew”

D)   “OMG don’t even worry about her”

E)   something similar to the above

Exception #4

One of you will always be ready first.  Whoever is ready first will be anxious to get out of the house and off to the bars to show off how cute she looks.  In order to calm this person's nerves it is ok to say you’ll “be ready in 5 minutes” when you know it’s really more like 30.  Tell her to make some pre-pre-game shots.  Keeping her busy will keep the attention off you.

In addition to these exceptions, there is also a major false exception that I want to address.  Many BFFs believe they must always tell their Lucy she looks good even if she doesn’t.  This is the biggest load of bullshit and if your Lucy does this, she’s not a true BFF.  It is part of your Lucy Duty to tell your BFF when she’s not looking up to par.  Like, fucking duh! You both represent each other and no one wants to be represented by last season’s trend or lack-luster hair.  She should be grateful for your input and saving her from social blunders.

The BFF Card

One of the perks to having a Lucy is being able to pull the BFF card.  I actually used this card last week.  What is the BFF card?  Well it’s a shame that you even have to ask, but for anyone trying to find her Lucy I will give you the lowdown. 

The BFF card is a favor that you can ask in emergency situations only.  Its something you wouldn’t normally ask of your Lucy, but the circumstances and imperativeness of the situation give you a sort of “get-out-of-jail-free” card.

Now this is a sticky situation, as it is easy for anyone to confuse the BFF card with normal Lucy duties.  Lucy duties are different from the BFF card in that they are mundane tasks that you would do for your Lucy whether it’s an emergency or not.  To guide you through the difference I have created some examples.

Lucy Duty:  playing wing-woman when you find a hot guy with a not-so-hot friend.

BFF Card: making Lucy drive home, with not-so-hot friend in the passenger seat, so you can make-out in the back seat with the hot guy.

Lucy Duty: When stopping for coffee, Jamba juice, or a bagel on her way to see you, she must buy you your favorite coffee, Jamba, or bagel as well, without asking if you want one (obvi you do).

BFF Card: Making Lucy drive to the liquor store so you can finish getting ready for a date/night out on the town.

Lucy Duty: Driving you places when your car is in the shop

BFF Card: Driving not-so-hot-friend home so you can have more time with hot guy

As you can see, most of these examples involve a guy.  However, pulling the BFF card doesn't always have to involve a guy.  It could be any emergency situation.  Just remember, each time you pull the BFF card, make sure she knows that YOU KNOW you pulled it and completely appreciate her for it.  If you're not appreciative, then the BFF card isn't a BFF card anymore, its you being a bitchy manipulator and no one likes those.

The worst blogger in the world :)

I may be the absolute worst blogger.  I love blogging, I really do, but it is way too easy for me to not make it a priority.  Its like a diet… you always start it tomorrow right?  I actually even started several posts, but I would get distracted and “save it for later” and then never finish them.  Tonight I am determined to finish and publish my post.

Let’s see… life… blissful living… finding your bliss.  Its funny, even though I don’t write in my blog as much as I wish I did, I am constantly thinking about it throughout my week.  I’ll be super happy and think to myself

“Yeah this is a little piece of bliss right here, I should write about this.” 

Other times I’m thinking to myself

“That was so funny, I could incorporate that into my next blog post”

And then, as we can see, I never do.

But when I started this blog it was about finding myself.  It was about finding what I wanted and what exactly bliss is to me, and how to achieve it.  I believe each person has a different bliss that applies only to him or her. I also believe that whatever your bliss is and whatever your circumstances, you have the power to achieve it.  I have no doubt I’ll achieve my bliss, but the blog is not called “Achieving Bliss” its called “Finding Bliss” so I must first find out what it is that I want and then go out and make it happen. 

Anyone in the same position?  Sitting there wondering

“WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?”

or

“What now?” 

I urge those of you who are in this position to take some time (And not just a little time here and there.  No, really set aside a slot of time daily.) to write down things you are grateful for.  Gratitude is the best way to put your life in perspective.  After that, create a list of things you want.  They don’t have to make sense or even work together towards one common goal, just write down anything you have ever wished you could do.  Writing these things down is so important to the process of internalizing and organizing your thoughts.  I’m just realizing the importance of this myself.  In fact, as I write this, I am learning more along the way. 

I have a few challenges for myself up my sleeve.  I’m about to embark on something that will be very difficult, yet totally worth it. 

Stay tuned to see what it is :)

Find Your Bliss

      xoxo,

          Kylie