The Rando

We all know him.  He’s the random guy that buys you and Lucy a drink and expects that to mean you’re going to hang out with him the rest of the night. So sorry to disappoint you Rando, but Lucy and I are about ten times your hotness level and we’re really just trying to be nice.  And by nice I mean we don’t want to have to buy our own drinks. 

The Rando can be a real damper on your night if you don’t know how to get rid of him.  Sometimes we are forced to choose… Take the free drink and be stuck with the guy for the next hour? Or bounce with no attachment.  I’m here to tell you, you can have the best of both worlds.  How you ask?

Rule number 1.  Lose the fucking guilt.  Seriously, you girls who “feel bad” for leaving a guy who buys you a drink need to reevaluate your priorities.  Nowhere does it say in some sort of fucking rule book that by accepting a free drink you are signing a verbal contract.  The guy asked if he could buy you a drink and you said yes.  You did not say “Yes and I would really like to get to know you on a personal level and exchange numbers.”  No.  All you owe is a simple smile, and a “thank you.”  Once you can lose the guilt you’ll be much more successful in losing your Rando.

But lets be honest, the biggest douchebags are the most relentless.  A smile and “thank you” guarantees little if any refuge.  So how to lose the Rando after you’ve received the drink?  There’s always the “I’m gonna go smoke” line in which case you pretend to go outside to smoke and then just leave.  The problem with this method is that 1) unless you ordered shots you won’t have enough time to drink the drink and 2) there is a good chance that he will want to smoke too. 

There ‘s also the bathroom trip.  After all, he can’t fallow you there.  But this too warrants some possible errors.  If the bar is small, you won’t be able to get out without him seeing you and furthermore, a true relentless rando will already be preparing for your get-away by camping out next to the door.

So you can’t go smoke and going to the bathroom only promises a limited amount of privacy.  And lets be honest, if you ditch this guy, that bitch karma will make sure that you run into him at the bar next weekend making you feel extremely awkward. 

I’ll tell you what I do.  First, get another drink outta him.  Take advantage of the fact that you won’t have to pay and can save that money for a new pair of heels.  Then, after you have a good buzz going, simply look at him and say “Hey we’re gonna go over to the other bar, but I’ll text you!”   Quickly head for the door, smile, and wave before he has the chance to realize that you don’t have his number let alone his name. 

In the unfortunate event that Karma sends him your way again do NOT ignore him.  It’s rude and bitchy and looks bad.  Instead be a bitch on the inside and say something like “Oh my gosh I’m so glad I ran into you! I never got your number to text you!”  The dumb card works for pretty girl. 

So there you go.  It’s not a foolproof system but its definitely worked in the past.  Ask my Lucy.  I’ve had to bail her out too many times.