Wing-Woman

Finding bliss isn’t all hearts and rainbows.  It can be hard fucking work.  Unfortunately if you want anything in this world you have to put some hard ass work into it.  And because we have concluded that part of finding bliss is finding your Lucy, then we must also accurately consider what this job entails.

One of the most defining and important roles of a Lucy is wing-woman.  Let me tell you, wing-woman can be a dirty job.  It can be an especially dirty job if you have a best friend like mine… but hey, a Lucy’s gotta do what she’s gotta do.  And so we continue…

Meet Stu.  Stu is NOT the hot guy Lucy is into.  Stu is the unfortunate looking, shy, friend of the hot guy Lucy is into.  Stu will spend the rest of his life relying on his bros for a 10 percent chance at some action.  Stu will most likely sit in your passenger seat as Lucy plays the BFF card and makes you chauffer the crew home, so she can make-out in the back seat with her guy.  Stu, will awkwardly stand a good 10 feet away from you at all times, as he is completely intimidated by you until you are at least 5 shots deep.   Stu will let his bro do all the talking for him.  Bro will go on about how Stu is a really cool guy and you should let him chill with you and maybe even cuddle.

WAIT WAIT WAIT!  What? Cuddle?  Stu wants to cuddle?  No he doesn’t want to cuddle.  “Cuddle” in bro-language means "Fuck" . Bros think that if they use the word “cuddle” that dumb ass girls will be like “Aw that’s sweet he want’s to cuddle” and I guarantee it actually works majority of the time for them.  Hot Guy/Bro clearly hasn’t met you because if he had he would know you aren’t stupid enough to fall for his bullshit “cuddle” line.   And furthermore what girl is down to cuddle with a rando???  Not this one.

The thing is, the role of wing-woman is a vital job requirement.  But it can only go so far and a true Lucy will get that.  Basically, it’s your job to entertain Stu long enough until you can fake having to wake up early in the morning and go to bed.  That way Stu crashes on the couch and Bro and Lucy go about doing whatever they want to do.  Stu may not be happy but that’s not really the point.  You’re happy alone in bed “cuddle” free and Lucy is happy with hot guy/bro.  Its not always an ideal night, but like I said, it comes with the territory.