Let's Be Honest

Honesty is a key attribute to the Lucy name and one slip-up could be detrimental to your future domination of the world (aka your social group).   But just as every rule has its exceptions, so does this one.

Exception #1

            Do not tell your BFF shit she doesn’t want to hear.

           

Example) You see her ex-boyfriend making out with her enemy. 

She doesn’t want to hear it, nor do you want to have to pick up the fucking pieces of her heart you just shattered across the fucking room.

Exception #2

            Whether you care about her drama or not, you ALWAYS do.

Example) For the 20^th time that month she’s met a guy that she is going to marry and he hasn’t texted her back in 3 hours.

We obviously have our more important shit to worry about, but letting her know that is just rude.  Lots of  “That fucking sucks. What a douchebag” or “He’s probably at the gym” is always helpful and after a while becomes a natural repeat.

           

Exception #3

The other girl is always ugly.  She may be a super hot Maxim model, but if she’s the competition, trust me, she’s fucking ugly.

Example) While on facebook you and Lucy  “happen to come across” the profile of Lucy’s competition.  Your reaction can be one of the following and nothing else

A)   “She’s not even that pretty”

B)    “She’s not even cute”

C)   “Ew”

D)   “OMG don’t even worry about her”

E)   something similar to the above

Exception #4

One of you will always be ready first.  Whoever is ready first will be anxious to get out of the house and off to the bars to show off how cute she looks.  In order to calm this person's nerves it is ok to say you’ll “be ready in 5 minutes” when you know it’s really more like 30.  Tell her to make some pre-pre-game shots.  Keeping her busy will keep the attention off you.

In addition to these exceptions, there is also a major false exception that I want to address.  Many BFFs believe they must always tell their Lucy she looks good even if she doesn’t.  This is the biggest load of bullshit and if your Lucy does this, she’s not a true BFF.  It is part of your Lucy Duty to tell your BFF when she’s not looking up to par.  Like, fucking duh! You both represent each other and no one wants to be represented by last season’s trend or lack-luster hair.  She should be grateful for your input and saving her from social blunders.